Summer...

I cannot wait for summer. The anticipation and excitement is killing me. I can hardly stand it. I feel like its going to be another good summer and can't wait to see what God has in store for me this time.

This summer I am working at Camp War Eagle in Rogers, Arkansas. I know, I know. Some of you may be saying to yourself, "YOU are working at a summer camp? Have you met you?" So let me just explain to you what possessed ME to voluntarily spend my summer at a camp...

I first heard about War Eagle 4 years ago during my freshman year. It was my freshman year, though, and I wasn't quite ready to spend a summer away from home yet. One of good friends, Dana, got a job there and loved it. Ever since seeing that promo video for the first time, though, War Eagle remained on my heart. The next summer, though, was surgery summer and last summer the opportunity for New York came up. Then this summer came along. I was having trouble finding an internship and as usual I couldn't get War Eagle out of my head. I prayed about it and felt like this was the summer to apply. I filled out an application and interviewed at the end of first semester and then waited. A little while later I got an email saying not all my references were in, but I had been put on the wait list for a position. I couldn't believe it. I had wanted this job so bad. I ended up stewing about it for a couple days and then came to the realization that it was out of my hands. So I asked my roommate/now technically boss at church, Jody, if she would be a reference for me, which she agreed to do. Then that night I just gave it up and prayed that if War Eagle was where I was supposed to be then I knew it would happen, but that I would be open to being elsewhere if that was the plan.

The very next day while I was at work I got a call from camp saying that they wanted to hire me for the summer! It was like God was saying, "I told you if you were just patient I would come through."

So that's where I'll be. The coolest thing about War Eagle, and the thing that was the biggest draw for me, is that something like 98 percent of the kids there are there on some sort of scholarship. It serves the kids who are at risk and underprivileged, giving us as counselors the opportunity to show them what God's love looks like as we love on and encourage them. Its going to be good.

Grouchy...

I am grouchy today and I have spent almost the entire day being grouchy.

I got to school and realized that there was a rip in the pair of jeans I was wearing, one of my favorite pairs and there's a rip in them. Then I realized that I forgot to take an online quiz for one of my classes. First thing at work I had to listen to sorority drama from the girls in my office. It was a perfect day outside, and while that should have made things better today it just made me grouchier because I had to spend it either in class and at work. My lack of sleep over the past couple days probably didn't help either. The past few nights I can't turn my brain off. It just keeps going and I just lay there thinking about a million different things. I'm thinking about things I wish I had done differently and situations I wish had turned out better. I'm thinking about things I wish I hadn't said or things I wish I had. I wonder if I made the right decision about things and wonder what it would be like if I chose something different...

I can't shut my brain off during the day either lately. I feel like I catch myself going over all of it all the time.

In all of my grouchiness, though, there was a breath of fresh air. Adding to my day was the thought that I still have another year here when there are other things I'd rather be doing, but while I was sitting at work today thinking about it I suddenly had a sense of calm. At that moment I was thinking about how I just wanted to be done with school and out of nowhere it just kind of fell away. I thought about the fact that most of my friends will still be here, something that I'm constantly reminding myself of, but today it clicked. I don't need to have it figured out right now. I have time. I'm not feeling overjoyed at the thought, but for today I don't feel grouchy about it.

And it's going to be ok.

Ahhhhhh....

That "ah" there in the title is one of those contented "ah's" not like a yelling "ah"

it's a contented "ah" because this past week was Spring Break and some of my friends and I roadtripped it to Florida and then hung out on the beach...and if you didn't know, the beach is one of my all time favorite places. I can spend long, extended amounts of time there...
Now it's back to real life...but I sure can't wait for Myrtle Beach this summer!!!

22...

So I really meant to write this post around my actual birthday, but clearly that didn't happen...

Anyway, I have now spent almost a month being 22 and it is still weird. I'm having a difficult time wrapping my mind around the fact that I am basically an adult. It's not that I feel old. It's really that I still feel young...

When I'm sick I want someone to take care of me.
My roommates make fun of me because even thought I should know my way around the kitchen I still look incompetent.
I still have to call my mom to ask her questions that I should probably at this point know...thanks for not minding : )
I still tell on my sister sometimes when she annoys me.
Some mornings I really need someone to come into my room and make me get out of bed.
My room gets messy.
I'm easily distracted and I can't help but laugh at inappropriate things...
Ok, the list could go on and I know there were some things I wanted to add on there but I can't think of them now...

I feel like everyone else's lives are moving on. I can't tell you how many people I know who are getting married in the next year (don't worry mom and dad I'm not in a hurry to be married) and most of my friends are graduating this Spring and figuring out what the next step is.

I, on the other hand, am still in school for another year and not even close to getting married, which again I am not in a hurry to do. I know if I was graduating this Spring I would be in panic mode because I don't feel like I should be at this point yet and I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but when do I start feeling like I'm a grown up?

Hebrews 11:1

So recently the verse Hebrews 11:1 has been on my mind. It's one of my favorites, thus being the URL for the blog...anyway, it says "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of things we do not see."

I know what I hope for and I know that God knows those things too. And I think He knows even when we're not so sure and feeling a little lost, like we're wandering aimlessly, which at this point is what I feel like a lot of the time. I take comfort, though, in the thought that He knows the desires of my heart and just as in Jeremiah 29:11, He has a plan for my future and whatever it is its good.

Faith is hard, though. It's hard to wake up everyday and be able to say, "Ok, Lord, I don't know the plan but I know you do so I'm going to leave it in your control."...maybe that's not difficult for some, but I know for me as a worrier and needing to know the plan that handing those things over can be a daily struggle.

I'm ready to be out of here, not to leave the people I love here, but to be onto the next step even though I have no clue what or where that next step is.

I'm simply having to continually have faith that I'm here another year for some plan I don't understand and that when it's time, His time and not mine, I'll be on to the next place He wants me to be.

Break...

I love breaks...the real kind where you don't have any homework to think about...I was fortunate to not have job this break either (ok that was kind of sarcastic...it would have been nice to have still been making a little money as there are still groceries to be purchased and utilities to be paid...oh well)

Christmas break is always especially nice for its extended amount of time and the first semester behind you.

I love getting to read what I want to read when I want to read it.
I love sleeping in.
I love curling up and watching a movie.
I love not having to think about some sort of project or paper or reading I should really be working on.
I love catching up with friends, who even though we haven't seen each other in a while it can still pick up where it left off.
I love Christmas and its meaning and the traditions and the time I get to spend with my family.
I love being reminded how much God has blessed me.

And I also love all of you who read this and I hope your holidays were good and relaxing and that God blesses you in this new year.

Lucky...

I know that I get behind on my blog and don't update it enough, and sometimes I don't think I'm so eloquent. I know what I want to say and it's all there in my head, but when I got to write it down it never sounds quite as good...I just needed to get that out there. It doesn't actually have anything to do with what I want to write about...so with that being said and out of the way...

I was just thinking the other day how luck I ended up when I came down here to good ol' Springfield for college. Yes, I was homesick for a good amount of my time Freshmen year, but it didn't really take long for me to make good friends who I could depend on. I knew pretty much right away that we would probably take care of each other for the next four years. My roommate situation wasn't always ideal, but I quickly made friends with the girls across the hall and spent a lot of time with them and I still laugh about some of the things I remember...sorry that was a little cheesy...

Then I also got plugged in right away to a Bible study. My leader was an RA in my building and instantly took us under her wing, and still still to this day calls us her babies and we call her "mama." Allison made us be friends and it was a good thing even though we thought it was dumb at the time. She was always in our business and making sure we were making good decisions and not doing anything too crazy. She always asked us about her lives and I always knew she genuinely cared about us and really wanted to know what was going on. To this day I still see her on a regular basis and she still asks me all about my life.

That Bible study was where I also met the rest of my best friends down here at school. They were strong, Christian girls and we were all going through the same stuff and created an awesome support system for each other, that included sleeping on each other's dorm room floors when things weren't so great. That still is intact 4 years later. I don't think I would have made it through that freshmen year without Mama Allison, Jody, Dana, or Gena. They are how I met the rest of my friends and what set the stage for the rest of my college career.

I just feel really blessed because I know that without any of them I would've ended up miserable and maybe made bad decisions about what I wanted to do with my time while here. God's smart like that and it is obvious to me He was looking out for me the whole time, not that I didn't know that before, but it was sometimes we need Him to just make it painstakingly obvious and He did.