Summa...

So it only took a month after camp for me to get around to reflecting on my summer that was Camp War Eagle...it took so long because unlike last summer I didn't have an opportunity to blog and so the thought of writing about it was a little overwhelming, but I figured I needed to say something...

Soooooo...
I listened to more country music at camp than I've probably listened to in my life, as well as more Justin Beiber, Taylor Swift, and Miley Cyrus. I also sweated more and was more exhausted than I've probably ever been in my life. I managed not to catch pink eye, staph infection, or lice, all of which quickly made its way around camp at different times throughout the summer. We were gross and sweaty and always busy and it was good.

I learned that when I pray for patience or a good or loving attitude I don't magically wake up feeling patient or loving, but that instead I will be given opportunities to be patient or have a good attitude or respond lovingly. Maybe most people have realized that, but it really hit home this summer. I saw how much discipline I need in my daily walk and that I'm not there at all yet. I learned to be intentional in my prayer and that even thought God knows our wants and desires, it's important to still talk to him about those things just like you would a friend. All are things I have thought about at some point, but camp reiterated it for me over and over. I saw people who's joy is clearly in the Lord and their lives reflect that, and now it has become a daily process of making my faith my own and knowing why I believe what I do and seeing Jesus present and working in my life.

Mawage...

“Mawage…Mawage is what bwings us togever today!”

Marriage. ..Marriage has been on my mind recently…not my own marriage of course, but the marriages of other people, particularly that of my Grammy and Grampy. I just returned recently from a trip to South Carolina where we were celebrating, among a few other things, my grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary.

60 years! That’s a lot of years of finding things to talk about, a lot of years of compromise, sharing your stuff, not being selfish, picking your battles, and a lot of years of looking at the same person. A few of those I still need work on.

They’re not the only ones who have been married a long time, though. My Nana and Grandpa have been married 64 years and my parents have been married 25…come to think of it, before I go through every married couple in my family, everybody has been married for an extensive amount of time.

I am surrounded by good, healthy, happy, Godly marriages. And that is a huge blessing nowadays when a lot of marriages don’t last. I know that it is not all marital bliss, but that it is something that has to be worked at and fought for. My mom reminds me that if what you want is to be married then you can always find someone to marry, but you’re probably not going to end up very happy. There are lots of people you can probably be compatible with, but who are you willing to stick it out for and push through the tough stuff with?

I’m a hopeless romantic, so I still believe in getting butterflies and all those other mushy feelings, but seeing those strong, lasting relationships makes me excited for being married because once you put that ring on my finger I’m in it for the long haul.

A lot of people around me are getting married and I’m happy and excited for them, but right now I’m ok with trying to be content to wait it out. Heck, I haven’t made it past two dates with a guy so I’ve got a long way to go. It’s alright, though, because I know God’s got it worked out and when it’s right I’ll know and I’ll have all these good relationships to look to as my example.

Camp...

Well, it's almost here! On Sunday I will be making my way to Rogers, AR to spend my summer. I could not be more excited! I'm not worried or anxious about the summer itself at all. The thing that I'm nervous about is that lifeguard test, so say a little prayer for me Sunday as I jump, into what I know is going to be a really cold pool, to take the test. Otherwise I'm doing pretty good.

I'll leave here...Omaha...tomorrow morning, spend the night in Springfield, pack the rest of my stuff, and then drive the rest of the way to camp Sunday morning.

I'm ready for a sweet sandal tan. I'm ready to sweat all day every day. I'm ready for massive dance parties. I'm ready for team competitions. I'm ready to love on kids.

But most of all I'm ready for God to do some amazing things this summer because I know He's going to and I'm excited to see what he has planned!

So pray for all of us counselors this summer. Pray for energy and patience and love, and that God would give us the right things to say in conversations with campers and that He would be evident in our lives every day at camp. Pray for the kids who will be coming to camp this summer, that God will work in their hearts in a big way. And also that this is just a safe and awesome summer for all of us!

Also if you would like to send a little mail my way my address is
Jessica Lewis
14323 Camp War Eagle Rd
Rogers, AR 72756

Pick-Up...

Are you hitting on me?

"we should hang out sometime...you know do the whole friend thing...outside of class...plus you're cute so I wouldn't be embarassed to be seen in public with you..."

Probably one of the best pick-up lines I've heard. I'm glad I'm not so unfortunate looking that you are comfortable with other people seeing us standing next to each other. ha ha!

Mom...

Happy Mother's Day to my awesome mom. She lets me call her whenever I need to complain, to share exciting news, to cry, to ask for advice, to freak out over sometimes little things, and just to say hi. She is always encouraging, and sometimes even if it's not what I want to hear, always has the right advice. I like hanging out with her, even if we're just at home. She still lets me put a pillow in her lap so I can lay there and she never complains about me being in the way. : ) I always hope that if I get sick, it will be when I'm home on break because I still need...ok want...her to take care of me. (Thanks for staying up with me after jaw surgery to continually replace the frozen peas on my face and administer pain medicine and for not being afraid of a little thing known as Shingles) She is one of the smartest people I know, and is certainly one of the best examples of faith and patience and love in my life. I know I don't tell her enough, but I am so grateful for you as my mom and I love so very much. I don't know what I would do without you.

I want to be just like you when I grow up. : )

Frustrated...

Why is it that the frustrating and upsetting things can be some of the hardest to let go of?

I would love to not be so frustrated, but it's like trying to pry someone's fingers off of something they're gripping tightly.

Really there's nothing I can do to change the situation and I have zero control, but here I am still holding on.

Some days I have to make a conscious decision to not let it upset me and to try and ignore it, but today try as I might...it's not working...

Grace...

This song has been replaying in my head for the last week or so, so I thought I would share it with you...

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us

"How He Loves Us" David Crowder Band

Funny...

Jesus is funny...He shows up in funny ways and does funny things in our life and the only thing we can do is laugh...

So the other night my roommate Jody and I went to Bolivar (which is a little ways outside of Springfield) for a barbecue and then after that we had to make our way back into town to be at a birthday party for our friend Jon.

Both our hearts are very much for the inner city, and Jody's is especially for the homeless. Both of us miss the cities we spent our summers in and they are both constantly on our minds. I know what Jody is thinking when we see the homeless in our city and feel helpless.

Well, this particular evening we got off the highway and stopped at a stoplight where there always seems to be someone who is homeless flying a sign...and as usual there was a man standing there. I saw the look on Jody's face and she looked at me, both of us wishing we could do something. She keeps a box in her trunk of food things and other supplies for moments like this. And our discussion went something like this...

Jody: I have stuff in my trunk, but I don't think we can get it before the light changes.
Me: What do we do?
Jody: I don't know.
(I look at my feet where there is a gift bag of this popcorn snack Jon likes)
Me: You could give him Jon's gift...
Jody: ........Ok...yes!

I pull the tissue paper out of the bag and Jody rolls down her window.

Jody: Excuse me! We have this for you!
Man: What? For me?
Jody: Yes!
(looking at the gift bag confused) Man: What is it?
Jody: Popcorn!
(does a funny, excited sort of jig) Man: I love popcorn!
Jody: Good! What's your name?
Man: Jon!
Jody: Hahahaha! God bless, Jon! We'll be praying for you!
Jon: You too! Thank you!

What?! His name was Jon too! What are the odds? Jody and I just looked at each other and all we could do was laugh and cry...

Summer...

I cannot wait for summer. The anticipation and excitement is killing me. I can hardly stand it. I feel like its going to be another good summer and can't wait to see what God has in store for me this time.

This summer I am working at Camp War Eagle in Rogers, Arkansas. I know, I know. Some of you may be saying to yourself, "YOU are working at a summer camp? Have you met you?" So let me just explain to you what possessed ME to voluntarily spend my summer at a camp...

I first heard about War Eagle 4 years ago during my freshman year. It was my freshman year, though, and I wasn't quite ready to spend a summer away from home yet. One of good friends, Dana, got a job there and loved it. Ever since seeing that promo video for the first time, though, War Eagle remained on my heart. The next summer, though, was surgery summer and last summer the opportunity for New York came up. Then this summer came along. I was having trouble finding an internship and as usual I couldn't get War Eagle out of my head. I prayed about it and felt like this was the summer to apply. I filled out an application and interviewed at the end of first semester and then waited. A little while later I got an email saying not all my references were in, but I had been put on the wait list for a position. I couldn't believe it. I had wanted this job so bad. I ended up stewing about it for a couple days and then came to the realization that it was out of my hands. So I asked my roommate/now technically boss at church, Jody, if she would be a reference for me, which she agreed to do. Then that night I just gave it up and prayed that if War Eagle was where I was supposed to be then I knew it would happen, but that I would be open to being elsewhere if that was the plan.

The very next day while I was at work I got a call from camp saying that they wanted to hire me for the summer! It was like God was saying, "I told you if you were just patient I would come through."

So that's where I'll be. The coolest thing about War Eagle, and the thing that was the biggest draw for me, is that something like 98 percent of the kids there are there on some sort of scholarship. It serves the kids who are at risk and underprivileged, giving us as counselors the opportunity to show them what God's love looks like as we love on and encourage them. Its going to be good.

Grouchy...

I am grouchy today and I have spent almost the entire day being grouchy.

I got to school and realized that there was a rip in the pair of jeans I was wearing, one of my favorite pairs and there's a rip in them. Then I realized that I forgot to take an online quiz for one of my classes. First thing at work I had to listen to sorority drama from the girls in my office. It was a perfect day outside, and while that should have made things better today it just made me grouchier because I had to spend it either in class and at work. My lack of sleep over the past couple days probably didn't help either. The past few nights I can't turn my brain off. It just keeps going and I just lay there thinking about a million different things. I'm thinking about things I wish I had done differently and situations I wish had turned out better. I'm thinking about things I wish I hadn't said or things I wish I had. I wonder if I made the right decision about things and wonder what it would be like if I chose something different...

I can't shut my brain off during the day either lately. I feel like I catch myself going over all of it all the time.

In all of my grouchiness, though, there was a breath of fresh air. Adding to my day was the thought that I still have another year here when there are other things I'd rather be doing, but while I was sitting at work today thinking about it I suddenly had a sense of calm. At that moment I was thinking about how I just wanted to be done with school and out of nowhere it just kind of fell away. I thought about the fact that most of my friends will still be here, something that I'm constantly reminding myself of, but today it clicked. I don't need to have it figured out right now. I have time. I'm not feeling overjoyed at the thought, but for today I don't feel grouchy about it.

And it's going to be ok.

Ahhhhhh....

That "ah" there in the title is one of those contented "ah's" not like a yelling "ah"

it's a contented "ah" because this past week was Spring Break and some of my friends and I roadtripped it to Florida and then hung out on the beach...and if you didn't know, the beach is one of my all time favorite places. I can spend long, extended amounts of time there...
Now it's back to real life...but I sure can't wait for Myrtle Beach this summer!!!

22...

So I really meant to write this post around my actual birthday, but clearly that didn't happen...

Anyway, I have now spent almost a month being 22 and it is still weird. I'm having a difficult time wrapping my mind around the fact that I am basically an adult. It's not that I feel old. It's really that I still feel young...

When I'm sick I want someone to take care of me.
My roommates make fun of me because even thought I should know my way around the kitchen I still look incompetent.
I still have to call my mom to ask her questions that I should probably at this point know...thanks for not minding : )
I still tell on my sister sometimes when she annoys me.
Some mornings I really need someone to come into my room and make me get out of bed.
My room gets messy.
I'm easily distracted and I can't help but laugh at inappropriate things...
Ok, the list could go on and I know there were some things I wanted to add on there but I can't think of them now...

I feel like everyone else's lives are moving on. I can't tell you how many people I know who are getting married in the next year (don't worry mom and dad I'm not in a hurry to be married) and most of my friends are graduating this Spring and figuring out what the next step is.

I, on the other hand, am still in school for another year and not even close to getting married, which again I am not in a hurry to do. I know if I was graduating this Spring I would be in panic mode because I don't feel like I should be at this point yet and I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but when do I start feeling like I'm a grown up?

Hebrews 11:1

So recently the verse Hebrews 11:1 has been on my mind. It's one of my favorites, thus being the URL for the blog...anyway, it says "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of things we do not see."

I know what I hope for and I know that God knows those things too. And I think He knows even when we're not so sure and feeling a little lost, like we're wandering aimlessly, which at this point is what I feel like a lot of the time. I take comfort, though, in the thought that He knows the desires of my heart and just as in Jeremiah 29:11, He has a plan for my future and whatever it is its good.

Faith is hard, though. It's hard to wake up everyday and be able to say, "Ok, Lord, I don't know the plan but I know you do so I'm going to leave it in your control."...maybe that's not difficult for some, but I know for me as a worrier and needing to know the plan that handing those things over can be a daily struggle.

I'm ready to be out of here, not to leave the people I love here, but to be onto the next step even though I have no clue what or where that next step is.

I'm simply having to continually have faith that I'm here another year for some plan I don't understand and that when it's time, His time and not mine, I'll be on to the next place He wants me to be.

Break...

I love breaks...the real kind where you don't have any homework to think about...I was fortunate to not have job this break either (ok that was kind of sarcastic...it would have been nice to have still been making a little money as there are still groceries to be purchased and utilities to be paid...oh well)

Christmas break is always especially nice for its extended amount of time and the first semester behind you.

I love getting to read what I want to read when I want to read it.
I love sleeping in.
I love curling up and watching a movie.
I love not having to think about some sort of project or paper or reading I should really be working on.
I love catching up with friends, who even though we haven't seen each other in a while it can still pick up where it left off.
I love Christmas and its meaning and the traditions and the time I get to spend with my family.
I love being reminded how much God has blessed me.

And I also love all of you who read this and I hope your holidays were good and relaxing and that God blesses you in this new year.