Summer...

I cannot wait for summer. The anticipation and excitement is killing me. I can hardly stand it. I feel like its going to be another good summer and can't wait to see what God has in store for me this time.

This summer I am working at Camp War Eagle in Rogers, Arkansas. I know, I know. Some of you may be saying to yourself, "YOU are working at a summer camp? Have you met you?" So let me just explain to you what possessed ME to voluntarily spend my summer at a camp...

I first heard about War Eagle 4 years ago during my freshman year. It was my freshman year, though, and I wasn't quite ready to spend a summer away from home yet. One of good friends, Dana, got a job there and loved it. Ever since seeing that promo video for the first time, though, War Eagle remained on my heart. The next summer, though, was surgery summer and last summer the opportunity for New York came up. Then this summer came along. I was having trouble finding an internship and as usual I couldn't get War Eagle out of my head. I prayed about it and felt like this was the summer to apply. I filled out an application and interviewed at the end of first semester and then waited. A little while later I got an email saying not all my references were in, but I had been put on the wait list for a position. I couldn't believe it. I had wanted this job so bad. I ended up stewing about it for a couple days and then came to the realization that it was out of my hands. So I asked my roommate/now technically boss at church, Jody, if she would be a reference for me, which she agreed to do. Then that night I just gave it up and prayed that if War Eagle was where I was supposed to be then I knew it would happen, but that I would be open to being elsewhere if that was the plan.

The very next day while I was at work I got a call from camp saying that they wanted to hire me for the summer! It was like God was saying, "I told you if you were just patient I would come through."

So that's where I'll be. The coolest thing about War Eagle, and the thing that was the biggest draw for me, is that something like 98 percent of the kids there are there on some sort of scholarship. It serves the kids who are at risk and underprivileged, giving us as counselors the opportunity to show them what God's love looks like as we love on and encourage them. Its going to be good.

Grouchy...

I am grouchy today and I have spent almost the entire day being grouchy.

I got to school and realized that there was a rip in the pair of jeans I was wearing, one of my favorite pairs and there's a rip in them. Then I realized that I forgot to take an online quiz for one of my classes. First thing at work I had to listen to sorority drama from the girls in my office. It was a perfect day outside, and while that should have made things better today it just made me grouchier because I had to spend it either in class and at work. My lack of sleep over the past couple days probably didn't help either. The past few nights I can't turn my brain off. It just keeps going and I just lay there thinking about a million different things. I'm thinking about things I wish I had done differently and situations I wish had turned out better. I'm thinking about things I wish I hadn't said or things I wish I had. I wonder if I made the right decision about things and wonder what it would be like if I chose something different...

I can't shut my brain off during the day either lately. I feel like I catch myself going over all of it all the time.

In all of my grouchiness, though, there was a breath of fresh air. Adding to my day was the thought that I still have another year here when there are other things I'd rather be doing, but while I was sitting at work today thinking about it I suddenly had a sense of calm. At that moment I was thinking about how I just wanted to be done with school and out of nowhere it just kind of fell away. I thought about the fact that most of my friends will still be here, something that I'm constantly reminding myself of, but today it clicked. I don't need to have it figured out right now. I have time. I'm not feeling overjoyed at the thought, but for today I don't feel grouchy about it.

And it's going to be ok.