Mom...

Happy Mother's Day to my awesome mom. She lets me call her whenever I need to complain, to share exciting news, to cry, to ask for advice, to freak out over sometimes little things, and just to say hi. She is always encouraging, and sometimes even if it's not what I want to hear, always has the right advice. I like hanging out with her, even if we're just at home. She still lets me put a pillow in her lap so I can lay there and she never complains about me being in the way. : ) I always hope that if I get sick, it will be when I'm home on break because I still need...ok want...her to take care of me. (Thanks for staying up with me after jaw surgery to continually replace the frozen peas on my face and administer pain medicine and for not being afraid of a little thing known as Shingles) She is one of the smartest people I know, and is certainly one of the best examples of faith and patience and love in my life. I know I don't tell her enough, but I am so grateful for you as my mom and I love so very much. I don't know what I would do without you.

I want to be just like you when I grow up. : )

Frustrated...

Why is it that the frustrating and upsetting things can be some of the hardest to let go of?

I would love to not be so frustrated, but it's like trying to pry someone's fingers off of something they're gripping tightly.

Really there's nothing I can do to change the situation and I have zero control, but here I am still holding on.

Some days I have to make a conscious decision to not let it upset me and to try and ignore it, but today try as I might...it's not working...

Grace...

This song has been replaying in my head for the last week or so, so I thought I would share it with you...

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us

"How He Loves Us" David Crowder Band

Funny...

Jesus is funny...He shows up in funny ways and does funny things in our life and the only thing we can do is laugh...

So the other night my roommate Jody and I went to Bolivar (which is a little ways outside of Springfield) for a barbecue and then after that we had to make our way back into town to be at a birthday party for our friend Jon.

Both our hearts are very much for the inner city, and Jody's is especially for the homeless. Both of us miss the cities we spent our summers in and they are both constantly on our minds. I know what Jody is thinking when we see the homeless in our city and feel helpless.

Well, this particular evening we got off the highway and stopped at a stoplight where there always seems to be someone who is homeless flying a sign...and as usual there was a man standing there. I saw the look on Jody's face and she looked at me, both of us wishing we could do something. She keeps a box in her trunk of food things and other supplies for moments like this. And our discussion went something like this...

Jody: I have stuff in my trunk, but I don't think we can get it before the light changes.
Me: What do we do?
Jody: I don't know.
(I look at my feet where there is a gift bag of this popcorn snack Jon likes)
Me: You could give him Jon's gift...
Jody: ........Ok...yes!

I pull the tissue paper out of the bag and Jody rolls down her window.

Jody: Excuse me! We have this for you!
Man: What? For me?
Jody: Yes!
(looking at the gift bag confused) Man: What is it?
Jody: Popcorn!
(does a funny, excited sort of jig) Man: I love popcorn!
Jody: Good! What's your name?
Man: Jon!
Jody: Hahahaha! God bless, Jon! We'll be praying for you!
Jon: You too! Thank you!

What?! His name was Jon too! What are the odds? Jody and I just looked at each other and all we could do was laugh and cry...

Summer...

I cannot wait for summer. The anticipation and excitement is killing me. I can hardly stand it. I feel like its going to be another good summer and can't wait to see what God has in store for me this time.

This summer I am working at Camp War Eagle in Rogers, Arkansas. I know, I know. Some of you may be saying to yourself, "YOU are working at a summer camp? Have you met you?" So let me just explain to you what possessed ME to voluntarily spend my summer at a camp...

I first heard about War Eagle 4 years ago during my freshman year. It was my freshman year, though, and I wasn't quite ready to spend a summer away from home yet. One of good friends, Dana, got a job there and loved it. Ever since seeing that promo video for the first time, though, War Eagle remained on my heart. The next summer, though, was surgery summer and last summer the opportunity for New York came up. Then this summer came along. I was having trouble finding an internship and as usual I couldn't get War Eagle out of my head. I prayed about it and felt like this was the summer to apply. I filled out an application and interviewed at the end of first semester and then waited. A little while later I got an email saying not all my references were in, but I had been put on the wait list for a position. I couldn't believe it. I had wanted this job so bad. I ended up stewing about it for a couple days and then came to the realization that it was out of my hands. So I asked my roommate/now technically boss at church, Jody, if she would be a reference for me, which she agreed to do. Then that night I just gave it up and prayed that if War Eagle was where I was supposed to be then I knew it would happen, but that I would be open to being elsewhere if that was the plan.

The very next day while I was at work I got a call from camp saying that they wanted to hire me for the summer! It was like God was saying, "I told you if you were just patient I would come through."

So that's where I'll be. The coolest thing about War Eagle, and the thing that was the biggest draw for me, is that something like 98 percent of the kids there are there on some sort of scholarship. It serves the kids who are at risk and underprivileged, giving us as counselors the opportunity to show them what God's love looks like as we love on and encourage them. Its going to be good.

Grouchy...

I am grouchy today and I have spent almost the entire day being grouchy.

I got to school and realized that there was a rip in the pair of jeans I was wearing, one of my favorite pairs and there's a rip in them. Then I realized that I forgot to take an online quiz for one of my classes. First thing at work I had to listen to sorority drama from the girls in my office. It was a perfect day outside, and while that should have made things better today it just made me grouchier because I had to spend it either in class and at work. My lack of sleep over the past couple days probably didn't help either. The past few nights I can't turn my brain off. It just keeps going and I just lay there thinking about a million different things. I'm thinking about things I wish I had done differently and situations I wish had turned out better. I'm thinking about things I wish I hadn't said or things I wish I had. I wonder if I made the right decision about things and wonder what it would be like if I chose something different...

I can't shut my brain off during the day either lately. I feel like I catch myself going over all of it all the time.

In all of my grouchiness, though, there was a breath of fresh air. Adding to my day was the thought that I still have another year here when there are other things I'd rather be doing, but while I was sitting at work today thinking about it I suddenly had a sense of calm. At that moment I was thinking about how I just wanted to be done with school and out of nowhere it just kind of fell away. I thought about the fact that most of my friends will still be here, something that I'm constantly reminding myself of, but today it clicked. I don't need to have it figured out right now. I have time. I'm not feeling overjoyed at the thought, but for today I don't feel grouchy about it.

And it's going to be ok.

Ahhhhhh....

That "ah" there in the title is one of those contented "ah's" not like a yelling "ah"

it's a contented "ah" because this past week was Spring Break and some of my friends and I roadtripped it to Florida and then hung out on the beach...and if you didn't know, the beach is one of my all time favorite places. I can spend long, extended amounts of time there...
Now it's back to real life...but I sure can't wait for Myrtle Beach this summer!!!